read it and weep

You know what REALLY pisses me off?

People.

People who claim to be your friend. Do you even know the meaning of the word? I'm just so sick of having to deal with all this friendship bullshit, i really don't understand why people have to make something so complicated when its blandly not. Why can't people just be loyal and trust each other? Why is there so much complication? You know what there isn't actually, its just that people make it that way. Why do people have to be told what to do. You're my friend and I'm yours, i act like a friend so why can't you? I give a shit about you and your life so why can't you? I fucking text you and TRY to maintain a RELATIONSHIP let alone a FRIENDSHIP with you so why cant people be expected to do the same?! I'm just so sick of this because I've just reached the point of uncertainty where i don't even know WHO my friends are anymore. Its sad. I didn't want things to be this way, of course not. If there's one thing I'm good at and one thing I'm passionate about, its my friends. It just disappoints me tremendously that my friends aren't there for me. Judge me, whoever is reading this, go ahead and JUDGE. Because you have no idea how much i just don't give a fuck about anymore. Like a few days ago i found out something , my so called FRIEND, my very close friend, someone who i share extremely personal things with, has been bitching about me with 2 people is dislike highly. Its like B1 bitching about B2 or Ernie to Bernie or even Sherlock Holmes to Watson. Well whatever ties there was, there isn't any now. If i have one problem its the fact that i trust people so easily. I'm done with that now, i really am.

2009 proved and showed to be full of friends, friendship and all that bullshit. This year I'm going to change that, I'm just BEYOND the point of frustration and disappointment that i cant seem to express myself clearly. 2010 will be different for me in the way that I'm not going to let people in so close to hurt me, i will choose my friends carefully and I'm not going to get sucked into a black hole of drama and bitches. I'm only going to keep those people who mean something to me and who i mean to, i know who those people are and they know who they are too.

I'm just so sick of pretending, all these fake smiles and messages I'm giving you. Meaningless ties and connections with people. I'm just so god damn sick of it. Now that i look back, i can actually count on my fingers my wasted efforts and time i put into my friend and its a win compared to the efforts and time they put in for me.

I'm not trying to come across as 'sad' or whatever, keep your sympathises aside because i don't need it.

I hope my message goes across and i hope you make something out of this entire post.