R.I.P BLOGSPOT.

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the only reason why i'm posting this is because i have no other way of venting right now.

I'm so pissed and upset and stresse and everything.

i feel like a volcano and i just want to explode instead of pathetically bubbling with lava all the time.

im stressed because of exams, obviously.

i dont even want to think of that right now.

and i really dont care that my sentences aren't properly structuered and not grammatically correct like fuck off okay.

its been such a long time since i've felt happiness, like genuine happiness.

i feel like when i'm with my friends, i do feel happy. but when i come home at the end of the day, it all feels like a facade, everything seems so fake and i'm just done with that.

im sick of feeling like this all the time.

i have such few friends i can talk to, such few friends that i can relate to and actually call my friends. i sound so utterly pathetic but im just so messed up right now i dont care who judges me.

so go ahead and just judge me, judge the fuck out of me because im such an emotional wreck right now.

i just want this stupid feeling to end.

im so sick of hearing about death on the news,

WHY CANT SOMETHING GOOD HAPPEN FOR FUCKS SAKE.

Humans killing humans?

WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!?!

As if there isn't enough shit that happens??????

Human are just so fucking greedy, that is the only thing that differentiates us from animals. People are so fucking vulgar, greedy and it disgusts me.

Okay i don't even know why im talking about this.

See what i mean, fucking mood swings.

I don't even know if theres something actually wrong with me

or what.

Fuck this bullshit.

I haven't blogged in so so so long, which really doesn't make sense seeing as i hardly studied one bit during my 2 week holidays. Sigh i really hate it when things don't go according to plan. Anyway not much has really been happening, i mostly bummed around at home and went out a few times over the holidays. Oh i started watching " How I Met Your Mother" and i finished 2 seasons. I wanted to leave the rest to watch for after i finish a levels.

Anyway so in terms of academics and what not, i'm rather screwed, i'm really going to try hard to study and concentrate and what not in these next 29 days i have until my first paper. I'm getting my facebook password changed tonight, i was back on temporarily to reply some important inbox messages there, so yeah.

In terms of social-ness, i'm very much dead. Though i did watch 2 movies over the holiday and i went out quite a bit. I haven't seen or hung out with much of the Mutiara crew for quite a long time, except for Aisha because well, she's my best friend so yeah. Went to Syafiq's open house on Saturday, getting there was so hard because he lives far far away haha. Farah, Shin, Ben, Daniel, Iyad, Put and Sha were also there. After eating we spent the rest of the time in his room and maaaaaaaan i swear his house is like Hogwarts! Especially because he has a separate spiral staircase just to get to his room, we were chanting " To the dorms" while going up the stairs, it was a very magical moment. We lazed around his room the entire time, tried to watch " How To Train Your Dragon" or something but the copy was shite, so we just chilled on his bed haha. Interesting photos are up on facebook.

Also had a girls lunch today. Farah picked me up from college and we went to Bangsar. Met up with Shin and Marina, we ate at San Terri. I have completely changed my view on that place now haha, the sandwichs weren't bad at all, melted ooey gooey mozzarella cheese and ham? Come on, it doesn't get better than that! Lisa and her boyyyfrriieeennddd Danni met us for a little while after lunch, they were on their way to KL sentral because Danni was flying back to Singapore. Farah drove me back to college caz she's just the coolest pasta-loving person ever. It's official, Lisa and Danni are the second cutest couple I've ever met, first being Shin and Ben of course.

Won't be blogging for a long long time.

Hope everyone has a good remainder of the year.

Can't believe 2010 is almost over, i remember this time last year my whole family was getting more and more excited by the day as my mum's due date drew nearer and nearer.

Take care readers.

x

1. Initials: SR
2. Name someone with the same birthday as you: Em Shurii :)
3. Favorite fruit: Berries mostly.
4. For or against same sex marriage: For
5. Are you allergic to anything: Not that i know of
6. Are you bisexual: No sire.
7. Have you ever slept in someone elses clothes?: Positive
8. How many U.S states have you been to?: California, New York, Washington, Nervada
9. How many of the U.S states have you lived in?: None
10. Have you ever lived outside the U.S?: All my life o_O
11. Name something physical you like about yourself? Hair i guess, or eyes?
12. Something non-physical you like about yourself?: My humour, admit it, i make you pee yourself.
13. Do you have any pets?: They all died on me, not literally.
14. What is your dream car? Mustang :)
15. If you could go anywhere in the world where would you go? America, its awesome.
16. Are you bipolar? Hardly.
17. What dream car do you want your husband/wife to drive?: Whatever the hell they want.
18. Where would you want to go on a first date?: A picnic.
19. Would you date the person who posted this before you? No
20. Has anyone ever sang or played for you personally? Yes, i jizzed.
21. Ever been kissed under fireworks?: Nooo
22. What was the last text message you received? Something from hotlink.
23. Have you ever bungee jumped? No, never.
24. Have you ever white water rafted? I don't think so.
25. Has anyone ten years older than you ever hit on you? All the time.
26. Are you racist? Sometimes, i don't mean it though.
27. What song are you listening to right now? Nothing right now.
28. What’s your favorite song at the moment?: I've had the Arctic Monkeys stuck in my head all day..
29. What was the last movie you watched?: Freedom Writers
30. Where was the last place you went besides your house?: Mutiara, yesterday.
31. Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else’s property? Lol.
32. Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex? Yeppp, got hit back too *price* :P
33. What’s the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Their hotness.
34. What’s your fav. body part on the opposite sex? Hair and arms
35. What do you usually order from Starbucks? Hot choc or choc cream chip
36. Say something totally random about yourself: No.
37. Do you have an iPod? Nope.
38. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity? Khole Kardashian, all the time.
39. Do you have freckles? Yep
40. Are you comfortable with your height? I want to be a wee bit taller
41. Do you love someone right now? I hate everyone at the moment.
42. How tall are you?: Like... 170 i think.
43. Do you speak any other language other than english? Yeah
44. Have you ever ridden in a limo? Nopee
45. Has anyone you were really close to passed away? Yes.
46. Do you watch MTV?: Sometimes.
48. What’s something that really annoys you?: No table manners/ manners in general. People.
50. Do you like Michael Jackson? Who doesn't?
51. Have you ever surfed? Nahh
52. Do you know how to pump gas? Nope haha
53. Do you drive? Not yet, soon though!
54. What’s the latest you have ever stayed out? Quite latee.
55. Have you ever thought that you were honestly going to die? Every time i get sick.
56. Were you ever rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room? Nahh.
57. Have you ever been dared to do something you didn’t want to do?: Mmhmm
58. What’s your favorite state to live in? NSW would be good
59. What color is your hair? Dark brown with lighter brown and blonde highlights
60.What color are your eyes? Brown
61. Do you have any special talents? I can be really annoying
62. Favorite non-alcoholic drink? Coke and lemonade
63. Favorite city?: Seattle
64. Have you ever ridden a mechanical bull?: No my brother has though, it was funny
65. If you were working on a pirate ship, what would you most likely be? Doing C'pn Jack Sparrow.
66. Who do you live with?: Fam.
67. Last thing you watched on TV? America's Next Top Model Cycle 14
68. Do you wear glasses or contacts? I lost my reading glasses
69. Do you like to sleep ?: I love it

Day 11- Another picture of you and your friends
Ergh i cbf getting one because i don't have my facebook password right now, but here's a fav.

Day 12- How you found out about blogs and why you made one

Whoa, this sure is a trip down memory lane! Okay i first found out about blogs in year... 9? Yeah year 9, i'm now in year 12 so i've had this blog for 3 -4 years! I found out about them because my friends at the time were really into blogging so i thought what the heck and there's a fine example of social convention. Anyway i've always been on and off with this whole blog, right now i'm clearly 'on', but as of next year i'll be re-creating a whole new blog and i will try my very hardest to blog everyday about uni life :)

Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently
YOU'll never read this, so i might as well.

I'm sick of being what ever the hell i am to you. In college you can't face me, but via text and what not you're all over me saying you miss me and everything. You claim to be shy but i see you openly flirting with other girls all the time. You said you needed time so i gave it to you, but i'm not going to be here forever. It's been a year and you still haven't made your move. I'm sick of all these games, it's tiring and i need something stable which you obviously cannot provide me with.

YOU.

Where do i even begin?

I don't even know what we are anymore, friends? no. Friends with benefits? no. Relationship? no. You're so utterly confusing and i wish i was done with you. No matter how hard i try to keep you out of my life you somehow find a way to tear through those seams and find your way back to me again. Being naive and stupid as i am, i embrace it every single time. I just can't say no and i wish you would understand all this hurt you cause me. I love you but enough is enough.

Day 14- A picture of you and your family
I will pass on this one....

So feast your eyes on these sex gods!

Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play

MIND YOU I HAVENT UPDATED MY ITUNES IN AGES!

1. Claire De Lune - Debussy

2. Don't Trust Me - 3OH!3

3. Emergency - Paramore

4. Sitting, Waiting, Wishing - Jack Johnson

5. I Belong To You - Muse

6. Little Secrets - Passion Pit

7. Vindicated - Dashboard Confessionals

8. Heilig - Tokio Hotel

9. Million Faces - Paulo Nutini

10. I Like It - Enrique Iglasiais ft. Pitbull

Day 16- Another picture of yourself

Here enjoy these shoes.

Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why
So easy! I would most definitely want to be Ryan Seacrest or even Ellen Degenerees. Now before you get the wrong idea, it's because both of them are so amazing successful tv presenters. They way the speak and they have so much charisma and personality just inspires me. I hope one day i can be at least 50% of their brilliance.

Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have

I have many dreams and goals, many of which are undecided and unthought of at the moment. Typically, i want to be successful, rich and famous. I want to dominate TV presenting and i want to hold a Mic at the front of the red carpet and interview glamorous celebrities. Usually for people, they want to be on the other side, to be interviewed. But i love to speak, to create conversation. I want to be the one who does all the talking. I also want to be happily married with a family of my own kids and i wouldn't mind adopting either. I want to set up a well established and well maintained charity or organisation for unprivileged people, not just the kids. I want to help people's lives for the better. Lastly, i want to die old and content.


Day 19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them

I have a handful; Sam, Sammy, Namy, Sanamoni, Sanamantha, Sambo etc

Sam is just short for my real name, Sammy is just extended from it. Namy is what my best friend in primary school used to call me, her name is Cassie. Sanamoni is what my mum calls me, usually when there is bribing involved. Sanamantha is created by my best friend, Lythiah's sister. Sambo is a name my friend Michelle created and it just stuck.

Gosh it's just so surreal. I'm sitting here, in my bedroom, googling away like nobody's business, on -drumroll- UNIVERSITIES. At first, it seemed so exciting, new buildings, new faces, new classes everything would be just new! Now that i think about it, now that i'm reading more into this course and this university, it's just plain scary. It's so intimidating and daunting to think that a few weeks from now i'll be starting the Uni life.

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I really don't want to be thinking of all this right now.

I don't want to grow up.