I don't want to admit it because all along everyone's warned me of him, not to go back because he's not good for me.

But being that selfish stubborn bitch i am, obviously i didn't listen to a single word my own friends told me and warned me.

So now i am hurt. Hurt again for god know's which count.

Hurt to the extent whereby i don't know how to cry or express my pain.

So fucking hurt that i can't even turn to my friends for their comfort and support

because i don't deserve it.

I don't deserve their empathy or soothing words which will nurse me back to my sane state of mind.

I am so incredibly dependent on others for happiness, laughter, comfort and so forth

I just don't know how to look after myself anymore.

But what do i do now?

What do i do now that i can't turn to them anymore?

What do i do now that he's fucked me over ONCE AGAIN for the same fucking reasons as before

How do i get over this

Alone

Completely alone

With no guidance or help.

I don't even know the minute steps to take to take a breath and to tell myself

"It's going to be okay"

Because for the first time in my life,

I don't know if it is going to be okay.

Neither do you so don't tell me it is.